Do you love me? Or do I just love myself…

 Do you love me? Or do I just love myself…

Another desperate cry for help from me, clearly in the pits of the early 20s flailing around in the city. I honestly truly feel it would take meeting one person for my mood to shift, my world perspective to be altered. Is that too intense, yeh probably but that is my current mood. I want to get engaged, buy a flat together, spend months decorating nesting and then call the whole thing off last minute just because I can. I am a walking red flag searching for my next victim it seems, people must be able to smell this on me, because the wide birth I have been getting from any potentials feels personal. I guess because it is, eeek. Putting all this out into the ether feels freeing in equal amounts as tragic and desperate. But honestly I’d rather be desperate than boring, so I am successful in at least one aspect of my life right now. 


I am not sure what I expect to happen, making a mediocre at best blog and rambling my thoughts on the web? Most likely nothing, but I think it is that chance that it leads to something, however small that may be, that feels like I am doing myself a small favour. Leaving small crumbs to a life I am heading towards that I can’t quite see yet, can’t quite reach yet. I have been writing in a google doc random thoughts, small anecdotes for years since covid and finally had the guts to put them out to the world whether no one or everyone reads them. I have at least had the gumption to put them out to be found. And that is a small love letter to myself.


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