Am I being fired?

Am I being fired?

Girls, this is a genuine question. I cannot tell for the life of me if I am being slowly phased out at my office job, or if I am suffering from paranoia.

My big boss at work keeps telling me one thing, then whipping his man bun around and claiming otherwise. It’s like working under a tyrannical toddler, who hasn’t yet gained the capacity to hold in a fart, let alone clean up their own mess.

Mr man bun, seems to be under the impression that I listed clairvoyance as a skill on my cv; as his knickers have been in the biggest twist I have ever seen, since I told him that I shockingly cannot read his mind nor imaginary emails he never sent.

Astonishingly, I have indeed been called in for a performance review on Monday, sick to my stomach/gassed for the potential content.

Crimes I have been accused of;

  • Being 2 hours late

  • Being shit at the job

Crimes I may or may not have actually committed;

  • Taking big shits on company time

  • Applying for new jobs on the clock

  • Being on the phone to my cousin 24/7 (my support animal)

Please let me know your thoughts on whether I should be concerned or not/if you want to hire me and or maintain my lifestyle;)

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