Is this it?

 Is this it?


I have been asking myself that a lot these days, moving abroad, getting pissed, starting running like everyone and their mum and nothing. I am still the same bitch. Waiting. For what? A great love, a great career, life passion? I think what I am really waiting for is it all to descend into a ball of fire again. To get so ill I have to return home and be housebound with my suffocating parents again (sorry guys). It has been years since I left there, but I am always looking over my shoulder to check how close I am to that being my reality again. No matter how much distance, time and money I put between me and that time in my life it haunts me like a bad case of BV, stinking up the place. I’m really not sure how to truly, actually move on with my life and stop acting from a place of fear, deep I know thanks to therapy I can’t afford. 


I am so severely risk averse I have become so stagnant, so stunted in almost every aspect of my life. I can’t keep looking around and watching people and life pass me by, too scared to jump in and have a fucking go myself. 

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